Jiyū
by lydiavocaloidyo
Summary: I may have just been a Vocaloid, a machine programmed to sing and please humans, but I had feelings, didn't I? Non-con. Yaoi. Master X Len, Kaito X Len etc.
1. Chapter 1

Jiyū (freedom)

_I may have just been a Vocaloid, a machine programmed to sing and please humans, but I had feelings, didn't I? _  
_I know I was built by humans instead of conceived by a man and a woman, but what made my origin so important? I thought the important thing was that I was there. I know I had a mind that was created by scientists, but what did that change? As far as I knew, I still had emotions, the full range of them, and conscious thought. My nervous system was made of the same material as those of humans, it just had a different origin. It hurts me deeply to think that some people still don't believe I have the ability to think, to feel._

"You're going to listen to me, and me only!" screamed the Creater, or Master, of the Vocaloids, "Remember who created that mouth of yours, Kagamine Len."  
He was always saying things like that. He thought that because he had made me, I had to do everything he said, no matter what it was. Wasn't I my own person? Couldn't I make any decisions for myself?  
"Yes, sir." I refused to call him Master out loud, "I understand."  
"Good, now I want you to keep working on that new song of yours. You can sleep when it's perfect!"  
I couldn't take it anymore. It was 2 A.M., and I had been up since 7 A.M. That morning working on new material. This was a normal day for me. Vocaloids aren't like any other robots. No matter if you're one of our biggest fans, or one of the religious people who are against our existence, there is no denying how similar we are to humans. We don't use batteries, we eat. We don't charge, we sleep. We breathe, and make our own decisions, at least when we're allowed to. We learn. But we weren't treated like people. We still had the rights of an object. We were property.  
"Yeah, I-I'll work on it. Sorry." I nodded.  
I was practicing my performance of a new song, "Butterfly On Your Right Shoulder." I loved the song, but I didn't want to work any more that day, no matter what the song was. I was tired. I spent my days singing and working on dances, doing performances, and taking classes with the other Vocaloids in between. We only had two hours of break time during work days. We usually weren't allowed to go to sleep until maybe 3 A.M. Our lives were busy, we had hardly any time to relax, and we had to stay with this lifestyle whether we wanted to or not. After all, what could we do about it? In the eyes of the law, we were just objects, and therefore had no rights. The Master of the Vocaloids could do whatever he wanted with us, and we couldn't do anything about it.  
He did let us have two days a month to do whatever we wanted. I looked forward to those days whenever I was working. Those times when we were allowed to go out and spend time together made all the work worthwhile. It was a taste of freedom.  
I remember once, Miku, Rin, and I went shopping together. It was so much fun getting to choose my own clothes, rather than having to wear whatever Master chose for me. I picked out three pairs of pants, two new shirts, and two pairs of shorts. I wore them as often as I was allowed to. No matter how small, any choices I made for myself were important to me. There was no better feeling than being able to make a choice for myself, to feel in charge of my own life, and no worse feeling than being forced to do something I didn't want to do. I hated feeling powerless, even though I felt powerless almost all the time.  
Many other times, I went to the movie theater with Kaito. I loved going to see movies. They allowed me to visit other worlds, to see through the eyes of another. I'm not sure which I prefer, movies or books. My favorite movies were, and still are, My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away. I was always a big fan of Studio Ghibli films. They opened my eyes to a magical world, one much more exciting than the mundane life I lived.  
Aside from the films themselves, I loved spending time with Kaito. He had been my best friend since I was five years old. (I was built to first resemble a human baby, and gradually grow older, just as humans do. Of course, my growing will dramatically slow down once I reach 18, go preserve my "cute" image. Master didn't want to lose money, did he?). Anyway, Kaito and I were (and still are!) really close. We shared everything. I was nearly as close to him as I was to my twin sister, Rin. He was the only one I told about how much I absolutely hated Master, and about how I dreamed of someday escaping this controlled life and going into the outside world, of having freedom. I would get into serious trouble, perhaps even be killed, if it was found out that I said those things. I trusted Kaito, though, and knew that he wouldn't tell anyone. In fact, he often talked with me about the life we would have after escaping. We planned to take on new identities, go to college, and find careers that we enjoy. We would live together. Of course, we would invite Rin and all the other Vocaloids to live with us as well. Kaito is really special to me. To tell you the truth, he is much more than a friend to me.  
These adventures were fun, but they didn't last long. Before I knew it, I would be trapped in a tight room, practicing the same songs for hours and hours. Even the "breaks" were mostly used to complete the homework we were given for our academic classes. Sometimes I felt like I had no real reason to live, if you even count us as alive. But then I would think about Kaito, Rin, Miku, and everyone else I loved. They were my reason to live. They made it all worthwhile.  
Working on the song, I realized that I had been daydreaming. I should have been working harder, but I just couldn't. I was too tired. I decided to go in with Kaito, since he had already gone to bed that night. He wouldn't mind.  
I crawled into the bed, surprising him. He was still awake, and greeted me with a warm smile. He was reading a book.  
"What are you doing here, Len?" he asked. It might have sounded like he was angry, but he was smiling and his voice was cheerful, though tired sounding.  
"I couldn't work anymore." I yawned.  
He didn't reply, but instead pulled me into a warm embrace. We were both too tired to talk anymore, and no more words needed to be said. We just fell asleep like that, in each other's arms.  
That night, I had the most amazing dream, though one I'd had many times before. Kaito and I were coming home from work. We were coming home to a pretty, blue house that we picked out ourselves. We were talking about who-knows-what, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that we were able to talk about whatever we wanted to, as loud as we wanted to, without having to worry about any kind of punishment.  
The next thing I knew, I was awoken by the sound of a loud alarm. At first, I was angry at the alarm for taking me away from such a perfect world, but then I realized that I would get a real taste of freedom that day. It was a free day! I couldn't wait to see the outside world. What adventures would we have this time?  
I noticed that Kaito was still asleep. He was such a heavy sleeper that the alarm couldn't even wake him up. I was the complete opposite, waking up at even the smallest noise. I shook him several times until he finally woke up.  
"Let's go to a movie today! Or an art exhibit!" I said excitedly.  
"Yeah, that should be fun." he yawned, "Let's just sleep a little longer though."  
"How can you want to sleep longer on such an exciting day?"  
He hesitated.  
"Alright, alright. Let's get up."  
We slowly forced ourselves to get out of bed, which took a lot longer than it should have. Then, we started getting dressed. I wore my jeans and new "Perfume" shirt. He wore his long pants, a white shirt, and a new blue jacket. For some reason I thought we looked very bourgeois. We were almost out the door, when we were suddenly stopped.  
"Where do you think you're going?" Master raised his eyebrows.  
"We were just going to go out. It's a free day, right?" Kaito asked.  
"Well, yes, it is, but not for Len. He didn't finish his work yesterday, so he'll be staying with me."  
What? He wasn't allowing me to have the free day I was so excited for? How could he?  
"But.. I was almost finished with everything! I-it was 2 A.M.! Please let me go!" I begged. I wasn't going to miss one of my rare days of happiness. No way!  
"Sorry, Len-kun. Almost isn't enough." he smiled in the most sickening way, "Kaito, you can head on out. Len will be able to go with you tomorrow, I promise."  
"But-"  
"Now!"  
"Yes, sir." Kaito sighed, following the other Vocaloids out the door.  
"Now, Len-kun, just how should I punish you?" he grinned, once everyone else had left, "Don't worry, we'll have fun lots of fun together."  
I started to feel sick. I had a feeling that this wouldn't be like the normal punishments I often recieved.  
I had a very bad feeling.

AN: Yay! The first chapter is done! Sorry that it's a bit short. This is the first time I've published a fanfic for a while, and I sincerely apologize for that. I hope you haven't lost complete faith in me!  
I'll be publishing more from now on! I've started working on a new Attack On Titan/ SNK fic as well. But I'm focusing on this story for a while. I hope you will read on, and enjoy! I will start working on chapter 2 as soon as possible.  
Disclaimers :  
I do not claim to own Vocaloid or any of the characters associated with it.  
I do not in any way condone rape or any form of sexual assault. I am well aware that it's a horrible and damaging act. This story will contain things that may be triggering for some. I don't mean to offend anyone.


	2. Chapter 2

I could tell, right from the start, that this wasn't going to be any normal punishment. I was starting to panic. What was he going to do to me? Beat me? Torture me? Imprison me for an indefinite period of time? I was getting so worried, it was difficult for me to focus on anything. I started to shake, nervous about what exactly it was that he would do to me.

I had been punished before, many times, but I had never had to stay with him for an entire day of punishment. This wasn't something I thought Master would do. I had a little bit of trust that he was trying his best to take care of us, and that he was doing what he thought was right to make a living for himself, but that trust was only replaced with fear and disillusionment at being betrayed so strongly.

Master grabbed my shaking hand, dragging me to his bedroom, a place I had never been, and honestly never wanted to go. I tried to resist, but his grip was strong. He was a tall man with short, dark hair and a light complexion. He was strong and muscular, but not to an extreme degree. I was just a thin, somewhat feminine 14-year-old boy. I didn't stand a chance. Still, I wasn't just going to accept defeat. I was going to fight back, and escape. I wasn't going to let him humiliate me.

Without saying a word, he roughly pushed me onto his bed. He grabbed my wrists and started to touch my face, kissing me and harshly biting my lips. I felt something wet and disgusting, his tongue, forcefully enter my mouth. I tried to break free, but his grip around my wrists was strong, strong enough to leave bruises. When I finally had a chance to breath, I gasped for air, trying to collect myself. I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't. This couldn't go on. No matter what, I had to find a way to get out of this situation at all costs. I would rather die than let him get what he wanted.

But I was powerless. What could I do? I could hardly even think. My mind was flooded with so many thoughts all at once that I could never really process any of them, let alone make some sort of plan to escape. I always thought it was my fault for not being able to think of a way to escape, and for getting into this situation in the first place; that I deserved it for being so stupid.

He started to reach up my shirt, playing with my nipples. He pinched them painfully, causing me to release small cries of pain. I mentally cursed at myself for allowing my lips to release such sounds. I was letting him win. I was letting him control my body. What could I do? He removed my clothes, my body shaking all the while. I was getting so nervous that I could hardly even process what was happening. Was this really happening? Was it just a bad dream? It all seemed so unreal. Master would never do this to me. He had a loving wife and children at home. He had a family. Why would he do this to me? What had I done to deserve this kind of punishment, a punishment that humiliated me and took away what little rights I thought I had?

Master flipped me over, so that my head was touching the mattress and he was kneeling behind me. I felt so small and helpless, and whatever hint of dignity I had left at this point was taken away in an instant as I heard Master undo his zipper, and braced myself for what was to come. I struggled violently, trying to push him away, but it was no use, as he was far too strong. When I tried to push him away, he hit me or kicked me, causing me a lot of pain. I was completely powerless trying to fight against him, but I tried anyway. No matter what, I wasn't going to submit to him and let him have his way. I wasn't going to be his bitch.

Please let me go!" I cried, "Someone! Please, help!"

He hit me hard in the face, warning me not to cry out.

"You better not make any noise at all."

"No! I don't want this!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

He entered me slowly and painfully, with no preparation at all. I wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to beg for him to stop, but I couldn't even gather the strength to speak. It was as if the world was fogged by a thick, dark cloud of pain. All I could feel was pain. It was as if I was literally being torn in two, ripped open. I couldn't breathe or think. I immediately froze, unable to move at all. When he thrusted into me a second time, though, I covered my face with my hands, and felt warm tears trickle over them. I bit down hard on my fingers, hard enough to make them bleed, but that didn't cause me any pain. The pain that came from each one of his thrusts was the only thing I could feel. And not only did it hurt, but it felt.. How should I describe it? Disgusting. It felt absolutely disgusting. I wished I could die right there rather than experience one more moment of this suffering.

I kept my hands covering my face for a while, as he continued to thrust into me, gaining some rhythm. The pain was still horrible, perhaps even worse than it was at first. By now, I was sobbing uncontrollably. This needed to stop. I needed this to stop right then. I just wanted to die right there. This needed to stop. But it didn't. He kept pushing into me, each thrust with more power and speed than the last.

"Please, no! Please stop!" I cried, "I-I won't tell anyone if you stop now! P-lease!"

He responded by replacing my hands with his own, covering my mouth and nose so that I couldn't breathe. I started to panic. What if I suffocated? What really scared me was that, after a while, I didn't even care anymore if I died. In fact, I almost hoped I would, just to put an end to this agony.

I felt violated in every way possible. Shouldn't I be able to choose when to have sex? Shouldn't I be able to choose who uses my body? It is my body, isn't it? Or maybe not. I am just an emotionless machine, after all. How I feel doesn't matter at all. I may not even be capable of feeling anything.

This seemed to go on for an eternity. Would he ever stop? Would he ever let me breathe? Why was he doing this? Why was this happening to me? At some point, I started to bleed heavily from my entrance. The pain was unbearable. I felt like I was about to pass out from the pain and lack of oxygen.

He finally came, filling me with hot liquid that burned horribly. He removed his hands from my mouth, and I gasped for breath. He removed himself from inside of me, and got up, while I remained in that humiliatingly submissive position, hardly able to move.

"If anyone finds out about this, I will kill you, Len. I swear. Not that they'll believe you. You were asking for this, anyway. Everyone knows you're gay. You deserve everything that's happened to you."

He left the room, leaving me alone. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be alone with him. I wanted to feel the warm, comforting arms of Kaito around me. I wanted to go back in time to make this day never happen. And part of me just wanted to die. I felt disgusted - with myself and with everything else in the entire world.

AN: I hope you like it! It's late at night and I'm finally able to update. Sorry if it's short. I haven't had much time to write. Anyway, like I said before, I don't condone rape. Rape is bad. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry if this update is a little late, but I'm already done with chapter 4 (handwritten, have to type it still) so that will speed things up soon. I'll let you read the actual story now :)

After it happened, I could hardly bring myself to move, but slowly I sat up and started to dress myself. I walked all the way to my room, which was absolute torture. With every step I took, I felt a sharp pain throughout my body, and that itself brought me to tears, not only because it hurt physically but because it was a confirmation that what just happened really did happen. I wanted to completely forget about this, never think about it again, pretend it never happened, but how how could I do that when I was constantly being reminded of it?

I finally made it to my room, and I immediately went into the bathroom to take a shower. I locked the door to make sure that he wouldn't come in, and slowly removed my clothes again. My body was covered in small bruises, blood, and that disgusting white liquid. I looked down on my body and felt disgusted by myself. I had let him win. He had killed me; I was nothing anymore. And it was my fault; I had been asking for it. I finally understood what Master saw me as- a toy, a machine, nothing more- and I thought that maybe that was what I actually was. A machine doesn't have a right to choose, decide, or say no. Did I have those rights?

I walked slowly and gingerly over to the shower, and turned on the water. I wondered if he was still there. I wouldn't ever allow myself to be seen by him again. **Never.**

The water stung the areas sensitive from my wounds, but it felt relieving to be clean, to wash all traces of _him_ from my body. I know that you're not supposed to take a shower after being raped. I had heard that many times, but at the time I wasn't really concerned with that. Besides, even if I did preserve the evidence, what difference would it make? An _object_ like me didn't even have the right to go to court, especially not against a powerful man like our Master. If I told anyone, I would only be laughed at and further humiliated, especially if I told someone I care about. They wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore; Why would they? They would look at me and see me as dirty, tarnished, impure. They would tell me I was asking for it because of my appearance, my clothes, how I talk. They wouldn't believe me when I said I _really didn't want to._

When I was certain that I had cleaned every single particle of him away, I turned off the water, put on a towel, which I wrapped around my shaking body, and hurried to my room, despite, the aching pain from running. As soon as I got in, I made sure the door was locked, and made sure to cover all the windows, to make sure that _he_ had no way of getting in and doing _that_ again. I dressed in some more comfortable, loose clothes. I was still bleeding a lot, so I stuffed some toilet appear into my underwear to absorb the blood. I thought that maybe I should go to the doctor, but I realized they would figure out how I had been hurt, and I couldn't bear the humiliation. I would just have to take care of the wounds myself, and try to make sure no one would find out.

I was able to rest in the safety of my room for about half-an-hour or so, listening to music and trying to distract myself from thinking about what had just happened. If I could only convince myself that it had never happened, maybe it would be okay. Maybe I could move on with my life and be the same person I was before. But, I knew that was impossible; this would stick with me for life. Still, it was nice to pretend, for that half-an-hour or so, that somehow everything would work out in the end.

When I heard a knock on the door, though, I was no longer comforted by my pretending; I could no longer enjoy the temporary pleasure of false hope. I was relieved to hear the voice of the person knocking on the door, and realize that thankfully it wasn't Master coming back to do _that_ to me again, but somehow it broke my heart to hear the sweet, innocent, high-pitched voice of my sister Rin.

"Len! I've brought you back some sweets!" Rin said. "That cute little bakery in the mall was selling them and I just couldn't resist buying some! Oh my gosh, you'll like these so much, they're even in the shape of mushrooms!"

If this had happened just a day before, I would have definitely ran out of my room excitedly and looked at the candies with her. That shop was one of my favorite places to go on free days, as they always sold delicious sweets in very unique shapes. My favorite thing about the shop was probably just laughing with my sister and my friends about all the strange candies they had.

But, I wasn't interested in those candies anymore, and I didn't want Rin to see me like this. It broke my heart to know that I could never be her happy twin again; I would never be the same.

I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't force myself to answer her. I was panicking. If she even heard my voice, she would surely know that something was wrong, and try to find out. She has a way of knowing things like that. When she did find out, she would never see me the same way again. There was no way I could let her in, and let her see me in such a weak and helpless state. Still, at the same time, I was worried about her. If she was out there by herself, Master could hurt her as well. I don't even know what I would do if that happened.

"I-I'm not feeling well, s-sorry. You should go back with the others." I managed to say.

"Are you sick?"

"Y-yeah, I think so. Don't worry about it."

"Let me come see!"

"N-no! It's really fine."

I was starting to get really worried, as she insisted on coming in to see me. I wished so strongly that she would just go back with the others and leave me alone. At the same time, I wanted her to come in and hug me and tell me it would be alright, like she used to when I was upset as a child. I was so lost, confused, and didn't know what to do.

"You never hide things from me. Open the door!"

I finally gave in and opened the door, shaking as I tried walking. She could be very pushy when she wanted to, but she always meant well. My injuries were very noticeable, but part of me sort of _wanted_ her to notice, to care, to be worried about me.

When she saw me, she dropped the boxes she was holding and put her hands over her mouth. I must have been a complete mess.

"What the fuck happened?! Did Master do this?!"

I didn't know if I should answer her. Her reaction would probably cause some trouble, both for her and for me. She would probably try to kill Master or something, which would only result in disaster for all the Vocaloids.

"I was.. acting badly. H-he just whipped me a little. It's not a big deal."

"What did you even do?"

"I didn't finish all my work yesterday." I said. "You really should go back with the others. H-he's in a bad mood, you know."

Rin wasn't easy to fool, and still seemed skeptical, but I guess she figured it would be better just to leave me alone at that point.

"Alright, bye, Len. I'll leave the candies here if you want them later." she sighed. "If you ever want to tell me what _really_ happened, I'm here to listen."

She left, running out to meet Miku and Luka, and I saw them, uncovering my window for just a minute. They looked so happy and carefree, exactly how I must have looked before this happened to me. It made me feel a little better to think about how even though I would never be the same, everyone else would. Miku would still be obsessed with leeks, for whatever reason, and would always be the bossy yet lovable diva we all know. Rin would still be excitable, energetic, and protective. Kaito would still be his wonderful, kind, loving self. The only one who would be different was me. I would never again be able to enjoy the little things I used to find so much happiness in. Would I ever be able to feel happiness again at all? I would never be able to live without constant fear and anxiety. Would I ever be able to feel safe again? I was comforted by thinking about how everyone else would be alright, even if I wouldn't, and maybe they would even help me to get better, if that was even possible, but I couldn't get my hopes up too high. It also depressed me thinking the same exact thing. It almost felt like it was unfair that they could continue to live normal lives when I would always carry painful memories and flashbacks of what happened on that horrible day. I felt so extremely lost and confused.

While I was lost in my thoughts, I heard someone open the door. I forgot to re-lock it.

"Rin! I told you to go back with the others!" I yelled, annoyed.

But, turning around, I realized that this was not Rin. This was Master.


End file.
